Reflecting Image by Carl Brock

In Maquoketa, Iowa, all of the neighboring families knew my family and how us corn-bred folk lived.  Sometimes my brother and I went to town looking for a few babes to go on dates with.  The typical feeling was mutual in that we were both looking for someone to lose our virginity to but being twelve and my brother being fifteen we often struggled with this at times. 

            My brother, Charlie, was always there teaching me everything he knew.  It was summer and we had all the time in the world to find the girl of our dreams.  Or at least one girl that we might share for a while if we had to.  That’s how it was with me and Charlie.  We didn’t care so much about how other people felt about us.  The other people in town would judge us either way.  All the other boys in town were doing the same old stuff as we were.  Our parents would constantly leave during the summer to drink at friend’s homes or go to the casino to reminisce about the fun times they might have had once. 

            This left me to have many opportunities to go out and become a man.  With Charlie at my side the girls were sure to come running.  He had muscles by the end of the school year and grew a mustache which only a couple of other kids in his grade had.  Charlie was the type of guy that got all the girls numbers and it made other guys jealous because they knew she would choose him first.  Her, being the hottest girl in the freshman class this fall.  Hannah Hicks was who everyone at the time was chasing.  All the guys in our school would attempt to flirt with her in class but she always went for the older ones. 

            There were rumors floating around town that she had been dating a senior when she was thirteen which made her seem even more enticing to the rest of the guys.  Charlie made a pass at her a couple times when they were both in middle school but she wasn’t allowed to date back then.  Homecoming was coming up for the high school kids this October and all freshmen through senior year students were allowed to attend.  Typically the freshman and sophomore boys went with their buddies hoping to get lucky even though they didn’t have a date.  Either that or they would leave early to drink with the seniors in the school parking lot until they had to be home.

            Charlie and I came up with a plan to get Hannah interested in him though.  Last week we were at the drive-in movie theater when we saw some older high school girls pull their car up in the line in front of ours.  They were definitely from out of town but looked familiar.  As Charlie and I thought a while about ways to hook up with Hannah, we came up with an idea.  If Charlie got one of these girls to go to homecoming with him he would be sure to draw the attention of others in our school.  A couple of the girls were cute so he decided to go after the blonde one with the training bra.  Assuming that she would be more excited about being asked to another school’s dance than worrying about Charlie’s goal in our plan.

            Charlie went up to the mini-van of girls as they giggled to make him more nervous.  He came up with a couple of lame pick-up lines that would sure to interest one of them.  After about ten minutes of talking they were holding hands in the back seat of their van.  Charlie definitely had a way with the girls.  It wasn’t a surprise to see him hanging all over a girl while I sat somewhere nearby taking notes.  Some day this would be me but my moves weren’t quite perfected yet. 

            The summer seemed to fly by and it was September already.  I’m in seventh grade this year and have been dating a girl for almost a week now.  Her name is Nicole and we often go to the football games on Friday nights.  We like to walk along the track that rounds the field and pretend to watch the game as we flirt and hold each other’s hand while our parents watch from the stands.  Charlie was playing as the running back this year because the coach talked him into it.  He was never much of a football player but rather wrestled during the winter.  It was a way to get into shape and attract the attention of the younger girls.

            Later after the game I saw my brother run off the field as we met with our parents.  They told us to walk home together once we were done hanging out with our friends since we lived only a couple of blocks away.  My brother seized the opportunity to talk with Hannah who he saw gazing at him during halftime.  They met behind the stands opposite the side of Main Street.  This was where all the older high school kids went to make out after the game.  Shortly after I saw Charlie and Hannah walk hand-in-hand behind the large metal bleachers, I heard a loud scream come from where Charlie was headed.

            A crowd surrounded a dark area underneath the visitors section.  I worked my way through the crowd and then I see it.  Hannah was sitting there in tears distraught and confused as to what just occurred.  Her hands were cradling her head as she rocked back and forth over and over.  My brother Charlie lay flat on the ground next to the garbage thrown from above.  I knelt beside him and quietly started sobbing in front of everyone.  It took me only one glance and I knew he was dead.  His neck was cocked so far sideways that it was hard to tell if it was still him. The local and neighboring city cops arrived soon after to clear the wondering eyes from the scene.  Hannah was standing now still gasping for air all the while distressed and unsure of what to say.  Fighting back the tears, she gathered up the courage to tell the police what she had seen.

            The following day the local newspaper went as followed:

Charlie Evans, 15, of Maquoketa died late Friday on

October 11, 2003.  Investigation reports of a random

act of violence at a local football game.

 A true local tragedy.

This was the last time I would be able to look up to my brother and at this moment I was empty.   I felt so hopeless the following night I found myself in complete and total desperation.   I walk into his room and look at the pictures of us from only months before as I reminisce about all of the cherished yet foolish goals we had.  Making my way into the kitchen I see my parents crying over their favorite son paying me no attention or concern.  I slip away to the garage and grab the razor blade from my father’s toolbox.  I think for a second and then slit my throat just twice.  The blood drops down to my hands with tears to follow and I fall into a solemn sleep crashing to the cold cement below me, soon to see my brother once more.

               

 

 

 

 

                               

           

           

 

The Virtue

The sun shone through the window like a reminder of all the things that were right in his life, which wasn’t much. He woke up his senses slowly becoming aware of his surroundings. He could hear the bastard stopping around in his boots. His heart stops as bastard stops outside his door, he holds his breath, please keep walking he thinks to himself. The bastard continues his path and everything becomes more peaceful.

Brian rolled out of bed and stood listening for the sound of his mother’s boyfriend to leave. He could hear him yelling at her. She was crying.

“Ok, I will. I promise baby!” she cried out. There was a thump and everything was quite again.

“You better you stupid bitch” the bastard said under his breath.

There were a couple steps and then the screen door creaked, a door slam.  He was gone; good that stupid bastard deserves to get shot for what he’s done. Brian took a deep breath and rushed to his mother who was lying on the laminate, kitchen floor passed out. Kneeling down beside her he sees that she is still breathing. He exhales; he hadn’t realized that he had been holding his breath.

Slowly he slips his arms underneath his fragile mother and carries her to the living room that smells like cigarette smoke. He set her body down. Looking down at her, she looks so peaceful. Her pale complexion making her bruises stand out more than they would on anyone else. The red around her nose makes him sick. Cocaine was her drug of choice. He moved her dark brown hair out of her face and kissed her on the forehead.  He says a silent prayer, grabs his backpack, and heads out the door. He was going to be late for school. His stomach growled, looks like he will be going to math on an empty stomach again.

It was going to be a long day. The gravel crunched beneath his feet as he started his two mile journey to Sandstone Middle school. He walked to school every day since he was eight years old and his mother moved in with the man she calls her boyfriend. The first day he made the journey to school he met a boy named Sam. Sam was a short, chubby boy with worn out clothes and a smile that would make anyone happy. They talked the entire way to school that day and had been best friends ever since.

After a few minutes of walking Brian heard the sound of another set of crunching footsteps, it was Sam.

“Hey, man wait up!” Sam yelled as he jogged up to him.

“Hey” Brian mumbled continuing to walk.

“What’s wrong man?”

“Nothin’”

Sam stopped and grabbed his arm, “For real, what’s going on?”

 “Just another day in the life of the bastard and my irresponsible mother”

“Oh…”

They continued walking. Sam was really good about not pushing. He knew the boundaries and never asked about Brian’s home life. One time Sam had insisted on spending the night at Brian’s house so they could finish a school project that they had been working on for weeks. Once all of their hard work had been demolished by the bastard Sam didn’t insist on anything having to do with Brian’s home life anymore.

            The two boys continued their walk and their day as they normally did, first math, then language arts, PE and then on to lunch. At lunch they sat in their normal spot and talked about the game of basketball they had just played.

            “Hey fat shit, how’s it hanging?” Ryan the self absorbed jock says has he approaches their table.

            “Um… I… ok…” Sam said giving Brian a sideways glance. “What’s up?”

            “Oh, I was just seeing if you brought that money that we had talked about yesterday. I’m getting pretty low and you know you own me” Ryan said with a sleaze ball grin.

            “I um… no I didn’t man…” Sam said blushing.

            “So you think that you can just use all my pot and then not pay me for it? No wonder you such a fat piece of shit you use everyone’s pot and the eat until you can’t stand” Ryan said with a look of hate in his eyes.

            Abruptly Brian stood up, “Hey, why don’t you back off? Huh? We all know that you are no angel yourself. He’ll get you your money when he gets around to it” he passes a sideways glance at Sam. Sam turns red and looks down at his half eaten lunch.

            “What man you his bodyguard now?” Ryan says as he shoves Brian.

            “No, I’m his best friend. If you don’t back off I am going to show you what that really means” Brian said as he cracks his knuckles.

            Putting his hands up in surrender Ryan said “Alright man, no harm done. Just have him pay me when he gets a chance.”

            Brian nods and Ryan turns and walks away with a look of embarrassment.

            “Man, Sam when are you going to stop doing this crap?”

            “I know man, I’m sorry I just have been having a hard time lately…”

            “I know but you need to stop messing with that stuff. I don’t want to see anything happen to you” Brian’s thoughts flash back to his mother he left on the couch hoping she is still ok.

            “I’m sorry. I know. Thank you for being there for me man. I really do appreciate it” Sam said as he gave him a smile.

            “No, problem” Brian smiles back.

…

            The rest of the day was really uneventful. Brain even fell asleep in one of his classes but then was jerked awake because of a bad dream he was having about his mother. His last class seemed to drag on forever. Every second that click on the clock seemed to take a minute. Brian was suddenly anxious to get home. He wanted to check on his mom before the bastard got home to do more damage. As soon as the bell rang he was out the door and headed home. He curst the two mile walk that he had to make home. Not waiting around to see if Sam wanted to accompany him he started jogging.

…

            Brian made it home in record time. It only took him about 15 minutes to make it to what he called home. He rushed inside and suddenly he realized that something was terribly wrong. There were blood spatters on the wall to his left and several chairs knocked over. He looked down and saw a spotted blood trail on the floor and a hand gun. Anxiously he picked it up.

            As he headed out of the kitchen he grabbed the home phone worried as to what he might find in the next room. As he turned the corner into the living room his saw his mother almost the same way he had left her except for there was a large blood stain on her chest. He cried out and ran to her, she was still breathing. He took his shirt of and put it on her wound to stop the bleeding.

            “What the hell do you think you’re doing? You stupid son of a bitch?” the bastard yelled as he stumbled drunkenly into the living room.

            “What have you done?” Brian looked at him in shock.

            “You’re just like her you know? A stupid waste of space, you are never going to do anything good. It would be better if neither of you were alive” the bastard says and starts looking around as if he is looking for something. Brian grabs the gun from where he had laid it on the floor next to him and points it at the bastard.

            “No, you are a dumb bastard and you don’t deserve to be alive” Brian said as he clears his throat. The bastard looks at him astonished and puts his hands up.

            “Look kid you don’t want to do that.”

            “Oh believe me I do” Brian says breathing deep. “But you’re lucky that I’m not like you.”

            Slowly he picks up the phone that he had grabbed from the kitchen and dials 911. Within minutes the local police are bursting through the front door and the bastard is in hand cuffs. Mean while Brian and his mother are loaded up in the ambulance. As the vehicle starts to move Brian feels his mother stir, she opens her eyes slightly, a small smile forms on her lips.

            “My Brian, my savor, I love you baby” she says.

                He rest his hand on her forehead, “I love you too mom."